people crying in church pew
Mind Set,  Uncategorized

A Loss is Hard. 4 Ways to Show You Care.

A loss is hard. There’s no way around the pain and heartache that goes with it. Dreams have vanished. Your pain is unbearable. Memories are all you have to hold onto. However, there are ways to show you care.


My dear friend and mentor lost his wife a year ago on January 21st, 2018. Cancer took her life. From diagnosis to death it was less than a year. Chuck and his wife have a relationship with Jesus so he is confident he will be united with his beloved again. He was a long time pastor and walked many through the grieving process. Consequently, it’s a little different when it hits so close to home.  I have learned so much as I have walked this journey with him.

When someone close to you loses a loved one it’s hard to know what to do, how to act and what to say. It doesn’t have to be awkward or damage your relationship. In fact, it can strengthen the bonds of your friendship.

Here are 4 ways to show you care:


  • Be vulnerable and cry with them. Believe it or not, your tears are comforting.
  • Sit while they cry. You only need to put a hand on their shoulder to let them know you care.
  • One of the best things you can do is just listen. You don’t have to think of something to say. Just be.


Reach Out:

  • Send a card periodically just to say “Hello, You’re on my mind.”
  • When you’re making dinner make extra food and package up a meal or two.
  • Even better take them out to breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Man and women in front of Chirstmas Tree
We went to lunch over Christmas at the Coeur D’Alene Resort.
  • If they come to mind it’s for a reason. Make a phone call and tell them you’re thinking about them. They love to hear your voice.



  • As time goes by ask questions. As a result, you’ll find their face lights up when they remember.

Share with me your favorite memory?

Tell me about a time you couldn’t stop laughing.

Did you have a favorite holiday tradition?

  • Sometimes we feel it’s taboo to ask questions however it shows that you care about them and their loved one.

Remember Dates:

  • Make a note of Birthday’s, Anniversary’s and yes the date they pass.
  • Above all when these dates come around be sure and send a card, call, text or better yet visit them.
  • Nothing says I care about you more than remembering special days.


Finally, I know a loss is hard no matter what. When a friend loses the love of their life, there are ways to show you care. Chuck and I went to dinner last night to celebrate Minute’s life. We laughed, we got teary and reminisced. I believe it was healthy and healing for both of us. Chuck and his wife Minute have made an incredible impact on my life. I am a better person because of the years he invested in me. I am forever grateful for our time together.

An older couple & young girl at a table.
This picture was taken in 2008 early in our Ministry years together.

What ways have you shown a grieving friend or loved one you care?


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