Are your negative thoughts affecting how you treat those you love the most?
August 24, 2018
Do you have a person in your life who is like sandpaper, where they just rub you the wrong way? Do you find whenever you are together you are looking at what they do wrong? Does your mind think they are useless, undeserving of respect, and you would be better off without them? Is your negative thinking affecting how you treat your loved ones? It could be a friend, a boss, a parent, a sibling, a child or a spouse. My negative thinking was affecting how I treated the one I loved the most. Read on to see how all that changed.
I’m ashamed to say it, but at one time I had those thoughts about my husband (I know, right?) The one who is supposed to complete me, fulfill me, be my lifelong love and we live happily ever after. Just like the movies! Well, unfortunately life doesn’t work that way.
LOVE IS A CHOICE!
It’s a decision you make daily.
I THINK DIFFERENTLY NOW
Thank God my mind has been renewed in this area and I think differently now. It was a long process to get where I am today. I didn’t get those feelings overnight and they certainly didn’t change overnight either. Little by little, step by step I began to change my mind. I had a lot of help along the way. And I would like to help you too!
If you are willing to be intentional, do the work and use some of the tools I have discovered you will be able to think differently.
MY NEGATIVE THINKING
Let’s journey back a few years, shall we? In 2006, about 10 years into our marriage it was all about me. My needs weren’t being met. I compared my life to other married couples and my marriage didn’t measure up. My expectations about marriage came from the movies and hollywood which was not realistic. I thought it was all mutual friends, parties, vacations, fun and never ending love. Happy,happy, joy, joy!
Instead I found myself thinking:
I need your attention.
I want you to spend time with me.
How come you’re not meeting my needs?
Aren’t you supposed to make me happy?
If only you were more like ________’s husband I would be happy.
After all, my love language is “quality time” and I DEMAND QUALITY TIME!
My marriage was in a pit, and to be honest it was much of my own doing. I treated my husband poorly. When others were around I took the opportunity to talk badly about him. I didn’t respect him. I was an independent, strong willed woman who was sure I would be better off on my own. LIES, LIES and more LIES.
CHANGING MY THINKING
Thankfully I had a sweet friend named Jen in my life. She was single at the time and younger than me. (P.S. Don’t discount what your friends say even when they are not in the same life stage as you are if they are telling you the truth.) Jen had the courage to challenge me and speak the truth. She had heard me bash my husband countless times and one day she had enough. She said,” I want you to start a journal. Write down everything your that your husband says that is good, positive, encouraging and no buts. For example, Ron suggested we go to the movies but we didn’t go. Leave out the but! He still suggested you go to the movies.”
My thought life was in such a pit that it made this exercise extremely hard. My husband is an amazing man and I didn’t see it. I never gave him credit for all the wonderful things he did and continues to do. He was trying so hard to please me and I didn’t notice it. Creating this type of journal was an intentional step I took to love my husband better. I did not realize that all along, my mind was being renewed. I began to think differently. I journaled daily for four months. After awhile, journaling those good, positive and encouraging thoughts came with ease.
This exercise has changed my marriage and my thought life for the better.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you find you have negative thoughts about someone you love the most?
Would you be willing to try some”no but” journaling?
I encourage you to try this for a week – let me know in the comments how it goes?